I Love You Three Times A Day

A happy marriage can be elusive to some but a reality to others. I married Shirley in 1990 at the age of 22. And God gave us wonderful children after almost twenty years of marriage- Bea, Jerome (+), Ana and Andrea. I am so grateful to God for the wife that He’s given me. We realize that marriage is not just something that we coast along with. It takes a lot of hard work in order to build a strong marriage.
We are called to honor God in our marriages. We need to protect our marriage vows. After God, the most important human relationship we need to keep and prioritize is that of our spouse.

What you honor, you value.  And what you value, you prioritize.

Eph. 5:22  ¶     Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Eph. 5:25  ¶     Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Some of the ways that we can honor our spouse and help boost our marriages are:

•    Everyday you need to listen to the most important voice in heaven. Likewise, we need to listen to the most important voice on earth – your spouse.
•   Meet your spouse’s needs. Don’t just look at your needs.
•    Have a regular date night. Many of the conflicts can be avoided when you have a consistent time together just to bond.
•    Engage in meaningful conversation – one that has emotional connection. This requires talking and listening (on both sides).

•    Respect your spouse’s opinion. You don’t monopolize all the world’s wisdom.
•    Say “I love you” at least three times a day. No, its not a title to a movie but it’s one good habit that we need to have.
•    Kiss passionately. Yup! You heard me right. It bonds you almost instantaneously. Medical science gives several benefits of kissing. It releases tension. It aids in weight loss. It slows the aging process. It increases fitness. It boosts self-esteem. And it prevents tooth decay (I think you have to do it with brushing.) Just to name a few.
•    Have sex regularly. I’d rather not elaborate on this one.

A good, no, a great marriage not only honors God but is also the most precious gift that you can give your children.

Don’t Wait to Say It Til They’re Dead. . . (4 Funerals and a Wedding)

This past week I have seen 4 funerals of people that I know. Two of them are family members of church members and the other 2 are celebrities – Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.
One thing I notice about funerals is that friends and relatives would  honor their dead through eulogy which is a tribute to the person who passed away.
I was deeply touched by the stories and testimonies that friends and family shared about the deceased. Those were wonderful words of appreciation.

Eccl. 7:1 A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.

Solomon said that death is better than birth because death is the summation of a person’s life. What will people say about us when we are finally lying down in our casket?  What would you like them to say about you? The words spoken are dependent on how you live your life NOW and how you will nurture the relationships that you have.

While I agree that words of honor should be said about a person when he is dead to summarize his life’s accomplishments and celebrate the relationships that he made. We need to take the time to honor our loved ones while they are still alive.  Let them hear how much we love and appreciate them.

Do not wait until they are dead before you say those beautiful speeches.

Say it while they can hear it.

In contrast, a wedding is an ocassion where the couple openly say what they feel for each other.

I like going to  weddings. It’s a celebration of a couple’s love for each other.

Tonight, I am officiating a renewal of vows ceremony for a couple in church. They have been married for 25 years.  They will be expressing their commitment to one another. And they will do it publicly before friends and family. They will say how much they love and appreciate each other and will make a promise that they will be faithful to the other until the very end.

Of course, words of affirmation should not just be said during the wedding ceremony but should be a regular part of the married life.

1Th. 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

What’s the Difference Between School and Life?

I want to share something that Shirley wrote in her journal. I am publishing this article with her permission.

What’s the difference between school and life?

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test.

In life, you’re given a test that teaches a lesson. – Tom Bodette

One of the most difficult lessons in life is how to accept loss. – Kerry & Chris Shook

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.

We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy. – Tim Hansel

These are just some of the sayings that I read and found true in my life.  And with these I would like to add the top 2 lessons I have learned so far in life:

1.  We can take on anything that happens in life as long as we are in unity.

Unity does not come easy.  In marriage, we need to constantly fight for it.  We strive to live by it.  We nurture it.  And we guard it.  Aside from passion and purpose, peace is a fuel that keep us going where God has destined us as a family.

There are millions of reasons and ways to ruin unity;  misunderstandings, miscommunications, misconceptions.  Not to mention the difficulties and challenges all married couples face as they go through life.  These will either make or break a relationship. These hard truths are capable of strengthening or destroying marriages.

And the sad fact is, much of those turn relationships sour, bitter and many a time, utter cold that lead to seperation. Choose to be in unity in the midst of trials.  This is our weapon.  Our husband or wife is not the enemy.  He or she should be our greatest ally.

Ariel and I may not agree on every issue at hand, but we agreed on resolving all conflicts!

We may not see eye to eye, but we can walk hand in hand.

2.   We can recover from losses in life, in time, if we are in the vine.

I have heard, read and encountered countless stories of marriages that resulted in divorce because of considerable loss:  loss of a loved one, loss of trust because of unfaithfulness, loss of something of value.  I attest, it is tough to lose someone you can never ever replace or something you can never recover!  It is devastating.  It is mind-altering.  It is awfully painful!

One night, at a party, after the [recent] death of our son, a friend asked me how I am doing.  I responded by saying,  “I don’t think I can recover from this loss.  The grief is overwhelming.  It is too painful.  It has seared my soul.  It has cut me to the core of my being.”  Then she said, “No, you will recover.”  At that time, I did not believe her. I thought, “You don’t know what you’re saying.  You don’t have any idea how much I’m hurting!”

They say time heals. No, Jesus only heals.  Time naturally, in its course, helps heal wounds.  But it is Jesus who makes us whole and complete and gives us the ability to run again.  It is not enough to heal, it is also important to get back on track.

We need to be always connected to the vine if we are to recover from any losses.  The daily outpouring of our deepest sorrow to Jesus is able to heal and transform us emotionally.  The daily expression of our trust and faith unto His loving arms, despite what happened, is able to grow us spiritually.  And only He is able to restore us completely.